Seeing the Illusion..
Oh the busyness. How easily it shakes its way to the top without detection. Maybe this is not your experience, but oh how I’ve discovered this to be true in me.
It’s been quite the life. Growing up, I saw everyone around me seem to get it. It’s like they were connected to something universally grounding, and there was a clear wavelength to reality, and all it took was a normal, healthy brain to tune into the right frequency. I figured this was what happens when you get older; you come to understand the things that are important to understand, not necessarily facts and knowledge, like the knowing of all the difference species of butterfly, but rather wise courses of action from fruitless ones, and healthy ways of seeing things from unhealthy ways. The way forward, as I was meant to understand, would just sift its way to the top in the normal course of life, and not only the way forward, but the ‘what’s important in the here and now’ would be made clear.
Recognizing the Illusion..
Well, I’m well past the age I had envisioned this was just supposed to happen, and I’ve been finding myself wondering.
It’s funny, kind of, that it often takes a deep internal tiredness to set in for me to finally realize something is wrong with the way I’ve been engaging God and the world around me. It’s like I realize something is not right, and all I can see in my imagination is a tired picture of myself finally coming to grips with the idea that something isn’t right, and some adjustments have to be made. The way of life, of feeling, of thinking, the busyness that I’ve been wholeheartedly embracing as right and good loses its shine, and the longings in my heart finally get their chance to whisper of the hope of deeper fulfillment. God’s way, it turns out, is not my way. Even my interpretation of God’s way, so often as I grab the baton to run my little heart out in the right direction, turns out to prove insufficient in bringing abundant life to my soul.
My way, the zeal to do right, the desire to love God, to conform to his image, to live as an ambassador of the good news, to love well, to walk in emotional and spiritual health, they all end in a random cul-de-sac in a different neighborhood than I was expecting to end up in. They promised to lead to the road that leads to the drive that leads to the gate that leads to the path that leads to the front door of the beautiful house that God lives in. But whenever I think I got the address right on my own, I look up and find myself standing in front of a ‘Pools and More’ outdoor recreation store instead of swimming in the natural hot springs I was told God has hidden away in his stunningly beautiful backyard.
Breaking down the Illusion..
So, what is there to do? If God is teaching me one thing, it’s that he never intended us to DO as our primary function in life. He didn’t even create us to be something in particular, which to me has seemed right for so long. But what brought a smile to his face when he dreamed us up before the world was made was that we would be with him.
Doing is noble. If you do, you can make a difference. Being is better. A doer is prone to question themselves and their ability to sustain the doing, since they’re not fully convinced they’re cut out for that particular type of doing. But to be with him is something entirely different. Entirely better. To be with him is to be with the way, or in other words, to be connected at a heart level to the wise course of action you’ve been trying to discern. To be with him is to be with the truth, or the knowledge of what’s healthy and what’s unhealthy. To be with him is to be with the life, this life that our soul grows weary in searching for.
My tendency is to revert back to trying to do or trying to be. But again and again, as time passes and I grow tired and finally realize something’s not quite right, I hear the patient whisper of Holy Spirit drawing me back to be with him. Always it’s in that place that my heart comes alive. Always it’s in that place my thirsty soul is given refreshing water to drink. Always it’s in that place my heart comes alive to freedom, and joy, love, and purpose, and destiny. Friends, wherever it is that we find ourselves, let us steal away for a moment, and pray to the Lord, ‘Father God, I want to be with you. Please help me.’ And wait. You won’t be disappointed.